I just wanted to share with you guys something really cool that happened this week. You know I've been frustrated by the worsening of my problems and the recent increased pain, nausea, and difficulty eating. I've still been plugging away and doing as much as I can! But, I do fear the future as I see this headed exactly where it was several years ago, only a lot faster with more problems as I develop new problems believed now to be caused by a mitochondrial disease (read previous notes). There was no guarantee my problems wouldn't return since we didn't know the cause in the first place.It scares me because this can easily suck the life out of me and keep me from doing anything and can leave me homebound. I'm already having a lot of problems with my driving by not noticing things, getting confused where I am, and getting signs mixed up. A lot of that is meds, some is the fact that I do have some slightly advanced brain atrophy for my age due to the native condition probably, malnutrition, and perhaps medication damage because I have had a lot of neurological medication reactions . I'm also losing my hair a lot which is one reason I wear so many hats or bandanas! My pain is a lot worse all over my body and in my gut, and my osteoporosis has worsened. I fall frequently and have a lot of trouble focusing sometimes. The difference between now and several years ago is I have learned a lot more how to manage it and how to work through it. I've trained my brain how to focus on the task I am doing and get it done. I force myself to avoid other distractions as much as possible. I'm not able to accomplish much with a lot going on around me, but if I can avoid that, I focus quite well on the task at hand, Unfortunately, because I have to focus so hard, I often miss crucial things that are going on around me.

Anyhoo, it's been discouraging because when I have to stop and take a breather from G-PACT, which often happens when I need to step back from other people's problems for a while or I just can't focus on things to get them done, I kind of revert to memories pre-transplant when I gradually had to stop everything. I refuse to go there, but my fear has been that I may end up there and I would begin to feel like my life was meaningless, simply laying in bed incapable of walking even five feet to the bathroom. G-PACT has become so incredibly successful since my return in 2007 and thanks to the growth of volunteers, increased awareness of the condition, and the passion younger people have to help us fight. I can't leave anytime soon. I do delegate a lot more as the volunteers are much more knowledgeable about how we operate and more and more capable of taking on tasks I couldn't previously delegate. We now have over 20 volunteers nationwide, way up from the four we had three years ago and 12-15 one year ago! The quality/education of volunteers is increasing drastically as well and we get along so well.

I had a few days last week where I was particularly discouraged because I was so sick I wasn't able to get much done for G-PACT, but there is SO much to do. My list never ends in projects and ideas! It's a full-time job if I'd let it be because I am so creative and always brainstorming, and there are always management issues to deal with as far as keeping things organized and everyone on track. While I love it, I need a break from it frequently due too to the intense nature of the people I deal with on a daily basis.

God continues to bless G-PACT in unfathomable ways. Anyone who doubts that I am in the right field and doing what I am supposed to be doing is not following our work very closely! It's amazing how God is providing for us and how He continually shows me I am on the right path and that our team is making a huge impact. This past week He showed me that in spite of the fact that I do struggle at time keeping up with all of my responsibilities as a leader in this area, and my struggle with my own worsening health problems, that He's not finished with me yet. We continue to be invited to speak and display at conferences and our message is really getting out there in the medical field and media.

On a particular down day, God sent me the most incredible message in the form of a volunteer. She is from the H-burg area, has GP, TONS of Fundraising experience, loads of ideas, and is so passionate she had herself up and running with e-mail and everything in less than a day once we got her started! She is so anxious to work with my life group on organizing a big local event already, but has ideas on how to make our program work on a national level. She will now coordinate all FR events and take a LOAD off of me! Plus, being in H-burg, there are so many events we can pull off locally (and I hope to have the help of some of my LCBC friends and family in the process!!!) hint hint...It's amazing and I have so many stories like this...such as last minute, massive funding and donations coming through making DDNC do-able this past March and so many other things. Whenever things look down and I am getting discouraged, God pulls a God moment and gets my mind and focus back on track. How on earth can I doubt that He still has a future for me and with me, blessing the work G-PACT is doing in spite of the times I get down and wonder myself where my life is headed. Why do I ever doubt that He will always show me the way, and that my life has been spared for a purpose...and how much 4 extra years has given me to help make an impact on the DTP world and get G-PACT more established so if something does happen to me, I am now confident it will all be taken care of by the fabulous volunteers I have now. Some people don't get clear indications that they are doing what God wants them to do...but in my case, I get them frequently and it never ceases to blow me away! Thank you for letting me share a piece of God's work in my life with you! I love hearing other God stories, and hope you were encouraged by this one!

Love you,
Carissa