Peace for the mission

What's on my mind? A lot...Just resting today. I'm really, really tired and had a rough night. Did I mention yet how happy I am to be home again? I keep coming home and think I'll be ok, but then keep going back. I hope we can slow that down. I need to be home. It's been a tough few months. I've lost track and it all runs together, but I'm sure I've been in the hospital way more than out since mid-July.

I feel so peaceful though...I can really feel like people are praying for me because I just have so much peace. That doesn't mean this is easy, doesn't suck, that I like it, and that I don't get frustrated or scared, but I am at peace and have accepted things. I still have hope. I feel like people really are surrounding me with love and prayers and it's really sustaining me through this.

I don't know what I'd do without my faith in God. I know He is there for me and knows every minute detail and struggle I have. He cares. He intervenes. He calms my fears when I give them to Him. He knows what is best for me, even if I don't think it is best! I know He is using me and my challenges to do His work. I don't know why it has to be so hard, but He is with me every step of the way guiding me and helping me realize that even though I am so physically weak, He is still able to use me. By being weak I am actually really strong.

I am always amazed how I can be so upset and scared, but then a prayer lifted up for me by someone, or through my own prayers and Bible reading, I develop a peace that can't be described. You just have to experience it. I'm human...of course I struggle with turning everything over to Him when I know He could fix everything with one act, of course I question, but for some reason He has chosen to use me and my circumstances to complete some mission He has for me here. He doesn't want anyone else to do it. He knew before He created me what He had planned for me and created me with the ability to complete it. I know He has my life in His hands, He is in control, and that He will sustain me and provide me with everything I need, including the strength, to complete the mission He has for my life.

Thanks for the prayers. They are working and I definitely feel them!