Original Post: Monday, May 22, 2012:

Full day of non-stop work = a night of Carissa down time without guilt or feeling like another day has been wasted. That's one of the hardest things about chronic illness. No matter how hard you try sometimes to be productive and give your life a purpose, you often feel like days, weeks, months and years are slipping by without any meaning. Sunny days come and you can't go for a walk. Rainy days come and you can't play in the mud. You start to feel like your life is wasting away in bed while you sleep or are too sick to move. Every waking moment you are looking for a way to bring meaning and purpose into your life so you have a reason to keep fighting through the tough days. This doesn't allow for much personal time to just enjoy hobbies or chill out because you feel like any ounce of energy you have should be used productively and wisely to make up for the sick time. This isn't a healthy way to think though because "sick time" isn't "me" time. It's important to allow yourself to just play and enjoy life and not necessarily have anything exceptionally productive come of it. You need to learn to do things that relax the mind, body, soul, and are completely pointless and fun. I say all of this, but it's something I am struggling with learning how to do. Yet I realize the importance of being selfish once in a while for my own sanity and to avoid burnout. So, Carissa time it is. Hasta la vista.